


Take my Hand

by SailorChibi



Series: aro-ace Valentine fics [9]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Aromantic Character, Aromantic Dean Thomas, Asexual Character, Asexual Harry Potter, Coming Out, Established Relationship, F/M, Frank Discussions, Gay Dean Thomas, Happy Ending, Hugging, Kissing, Love, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Mostly Fluff, Post-Canon, charlie is mentioned a few times, dean thomas is a good friend, discussion of sex, figuring out sexuality, harry is not an auror, i couldn't think of a way to bring him into the story, ignores the epilogue, not super relevant to the fic but still true, open communication, orientation questions, positive reception to coming out, straight ginny weasley, the eternal struggle really, very little angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 16:42:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13685634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorChibi/pseuds/SailorChibi
Summary: There's something different about Harry, and he's known it for a while now. An old friend helps to put a word to what Harry's feeling.





	Take my Hand

**Author's Note:**

> Following up on what's become my Valentine's tradition, where I write stories about people on the aromantic and/or asexual scale. As an aro-ace woman, it makes me feel a bit better to write happy endings.
> 
> Note: someone who is aromantic does not feel romantic attraction towards anyone, but can feel sexual attraction. Someone who is asexual does not feel sexual attraction towards anyone (some asexuals still enjoy sex, others don't), but can still feel romantic attraction. One has nothing to do with the other.

Harry didn’t know what he was doing here.

Everyone bone in his body screamed that this was a poor idea. He looked at the door of the flat and seriously considered turning around and running away before they realized he was here. No one had known he was coming, so it wasn’t like he’d face any ridicule. Ginny thought he was having a meeting at Howards towards with the headmistress. He could leave right now and –

The door opened, revealing Dean’s face. “Hello, Harry,” he said, leaning against the doorframe and raising an eyebrow. “Are you planning to come in or…?”

“Oh. Er, yes, I am,” Harry said, realizing that the time in which he’d might’ve fled had passed. “I brought some Butterbeer. I thought we could… have a drink?”

“Sure,” Dean said slowly, stepping back to allow Harry into the flat. Harry had never been there before, and he looked around with interest. The flat was larger than he was expecting, and very tastefully decorated considering it was occupied by two single men in their early twenties, but perhaps the weirdest thing of all was the lack of magical minutiae. 

There were no dishes being washed by invisible hands. No two-inch tornado underfoot sucking up dust and dirt. Not even a moving picture on the wall. The one photograph of Hogwarts that Harry could see had been done late at night and from a distance, so that an uninformed guest might think it was just a random castle. That, plus the television on the wall and the pounds and mobile phone on the table, were unmistakable reminders that Dean and Seamus had chosen to live in muggle London.

“Is Seamus here?” he asked, realizing that he couldn’t hear any sounds of anyone else. The flat was eerily quiet. He wondered what Dean had been doing before he answered the door.

“Nope. He’s at work. Started a new job last week. Here, I’ll grab up a couple classes.”

“A new job? Where?”

“It’s just down the street,” said Dean, returning from the kitchen with two glasses. He set them down and accepted the Butterbeer from Harry, cracking the top open. “Working at a hotel. But I’m guessing you didn’t come here to ask about Seamus’s job.”

“Er, no. I didn’t,” Harry mumbled, taking a seat on the sofa when Dean waved him down. “I wanted to ask about you two.”

Dean sighed. “Bloody hell, Harry, not this again. I don’t know how many times Seamus and I have to tell you, we’re not dating. We’re just two close friends who fuck. A lot.”

Harry flushed a little. “So you’ve said. I just – I wanted to know –” 

“What?”

“You told me once that you didn’t date because you didn’t feel that way for anyone,” Harry said slowly. That conversation had happened about three years ago, back when Dean and Seamus first moved in together. Everyone had jumped to the assumption that they were gay and dating. Dean had patiently explained again and again that no, that wasn’t the case. Those words had stuck with him ever since, popping into his mind at the most inconvenient of times. 

“Yes,” Dean said, sipping at his drink. “I remember. I’m still waiting for it to stick.” He smiled warily. Harry smiled back weakly. His hands were clammy and he wiped his palms on his trousers.

“I just wondered how you knew.”

Dean blinked rapidly. “How I knew? Knew what?”

“That you didn’t like anyone. Like that.”

There was a pause during which Harry didn’t dare look up. Then Dean said, “Do you mind if I ask why first?”

That was fair. Harry supposed he should’ve expected that. “Don’t get me wrong. I love Ginny. I adore her,” he added, that same besotted feeling rising in his chest. “Every time I look at her, all I can think of is how much I want to be with her. But… that’s the problem. I don’t want to be with her. Er, sexually.” The last word came out as a thin squeak. Harry’s face felt hot.

“Oh. _Oh_ ,” Dean said. “Oh, Harry.”

“I love her!” Harry repeated. “I love her so much that it’s overwhelming. But when I look at Ron and Hermione and how they act, there’s something missing and I…” He trailed off and picked up his drink just to have something to hold. He still couldn’t bring himself to meet Dean’s eyes, not wanting to see what might be looking back at him. He didn’t know what he’d do if Dean mocked him at this point.

“Sometimes Ron talks about Hermione,” he went on. “And the way he talks about her, it’s like he wants to… I don’t know, devour her? I know they have sex a lot, I can tell by the wonky smile Ron gets, but it’s not like that for me and Ginny. I think… I think the problem is me. I don’t want Ginny like that.”

“Harry,” Dean said, voice gentle. “Look at me.”

Harry risked a look and saw that Dean was leaning forward, looking at him intently. He tried to smile. “I guess it’s not the same as you guys.”

“It kind of is and it kind of isn’t. Seamus and I are aromantic. It means that I don’t feel for Seamus the way you do for Ginny,” said Dean. “We’re just good friends and that’s all we’ll ever be. It sounds like you might be asexual.”

“Asexual,” Harry said, the word unfamiliar. “And that means…?”

“It means you’re not sexually attracted to anyone. You’ve never looked at someone and wanted to drag them into bed. Have you?”

“Well… Well no,” Harry admitted. “There was Cho. She was… pretty.”

“Cho was pretty,” Dean agreed. “That’s aesthetic attraction. It means you can tell I’m devilishly handsome without wanting to fuck me.” He was grinning when Harry looked at him again. “I mean, I’m going out on a limb and thinking you’ve never felt that way about anyone, not just Ginny.”

“Merlin no,” Harry said, horrified. “I’ve never – anyone. Not just Ginny. No.”

Dean nodded. “Does that create problems between you?”

“I don’t know. Not that Ginny’s ever mentioned.”

“Has she ever tried to initiate sex?”

Harry thought about it. “Not for a long time,” he said at last. “She did when we first began living together, but I told her I wasn’t in the mood. It… surprised me. I wasn’t expecting her to do that. I don’t know.”

“It sounds like Ginny got the idea without you having to say anything if she hasn’t tried to do anything since,” Dean said. “Charlie is asexual, you know.”

That was right. Harry’d forgotten that. He vaguely remembered Ginny talking about that one time. She’d been frustrated because Molly kept asking Charlie when he was going to settle down. Ginny had said something about Charlie being more interested in dragons than people and firmly told her mother to stop. But that wasn’t the same as Harry. He loved Ginny. He might not know anything else, but he did know that.

“I love Ginny, though,” Harry said again. “I’m not like Charlie.”

“Asexuality can take different forms in different people. Charlie may not be interested in a relationship, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be,” Dean said. “I just meant that Ginny is probably more familiar with the concept than most people would be.” He paused for a moment. “Harry, why did you come here? I’m not sure what you want me to do.”

“I, well, I don’t know,” Harry said. He seemed to be saying that a lot. “I guess… I guess there’s no potion or spell to make me right, is there?”

“You’re not broken,” Dean said, gently but firmly. “There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just the way you are.”

“But I don’t want to be like this. I want to give Ginny everything she wants.”

“Do you know what Ginny wants? Have you asked?”

Harry opened his mouth, then closed it. Finally, he said, “No. But everyone has sex.”

“Not everyone.”

“Most people do,” Harry pointed out. “I could – I mean, I’ve never wanted to and it doesn’t really interest me, but maybe…” He looked hopefully at Dean. “Maybe I should do it. Maybe I’d like it.”

Dean made a face. “That’s really a conversation for you to have with Ginny, but Harry. If you don’t want to have sex, you shouldn’t have sex.”

“I don’t… _not_ want it,” Harry said carefully, thinking about it. He felt no desire to have sex. He’d never looked at Ginny or anyone else and thought about sex. Frankly, he didn’t think much about sex at all. At night, he and Ginny would get into bed together, and he would fall asleep with Ginny in his arms and idea of sex wouldn’t even cross Harry’s mind.

But he supposed it might not be terrible. Ron certainly seemed to enjoy it. From the way Ron talked, sex was like a fantastic game of Quidditch combined with casting the patronus spell combined with a really good piece of chocolate and more. Perhaps Harry was missing out on something, and Hermione _was_ always telling him that he needed to try new things.

“I want Ginny more than I don’t want to have sex,” Harry added, and Dean shook his head.

“If Ginny loves you the way I think she does, I don’t think that’ll matter to her. But again, that’s a conversation for you two to have.”

Harry nodded. “Yes, I suppose. Thanks Dean.”

“I don’t think I did much. I wish I could be more helpful, but a lack of sexual attraction has never been a problem for me.” Dean grinned wolfishly and winked. 

“You did a lot,” Harry said. He couldn’t have talked about this to anyone else. He’d tried to bring it up with his friends like a dozen times, but the words always lodged in his throat. His friends were so _normal_. It was easier to talk about with someone like Dean, who could understand on some level where Harry was coming from. 

Plus, there was the fact that, while he knew that Hermione in particular would be accepting, she would fill his mind with every fact there was to know about it. Asexuality. And if she didn’t know much, the next time they met she would be an expert on it. Harry wasn’t ready for that yet. Now that he had a label, he needed some time to come to terms with the idea first.

He set his untouched drink down and stood. “Thanks, Dean.”

“No problem. How about you, me, Ginny and Seamus go out for drinks next week?” Dean suggested.

“I’d like that,” Harry said with a smile. 

Dean saw him to the door and Harry stepped outside. He glanced around quickly to make sure that no muggles were around and then disapparated, landing in the backyard of the cottage he and Ginny shared. Immediately, he could see Ginny through the window: she was dancing around the kitchen, shaking her hips while she stirred something in a pot on the stove.

Harry stood still, momentarily overcome by the swell of affection. It was almost like drowning in a way. He loved Ginny and he loved the life they’d built together. He loved how determined she was and how graceful she could be on a broom. He loved that she’d fully supported his decision to quit being an auror and take up the mantle of the Defence Against the Dark Arts professor. He loved how clever she was and how she always knew how to make him smile. He even loved how she left her knickers on the floor at night and couldn’t seem to keep a plant alive no matter what, and how she would cook for him even though she didn’t like cooking.

He didn’t know what he would do if he lost her.

It took a couple of minutes before he gathered the courage to open the door and step inside. Ginny turned to look at him and smiled in greeting, giving a little wave. Then she beckoned to him, lifting a spoon from the pot. Harry walked closer, opening his mouth so that he could taste the creamy sauce. It was delicious, flavoured with garlic and herbs, and his stomach growled.

“I thought we’d have pasta for supper. Hermione is still on her Italian kick, and she made me hungry,” Ginny said.

“I’m good with that,” Harry said. “Can we talk?”

“Sure.” She flicked off the stove and put a lid on the pot, then set it aside. “What’s up?”

“I went to see Dean today,” Harry began. He wasn’t sure how to tell her this, and tact had never been his strong point to begin with, so he decided to just blurt it out. “I think I’m asexual.”

Ginny blinked at him. “Okay…”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t love you,” he added quickly, terrified that she would get the wrong idea. “Because I do. I love you.”

“Harry.” Ginny took his hands in hers. “It’s okay. I know you love me. I love you too.”

The hard knot of tension in his chest loosened a little. “It’s okay?”

“Of course. I’m… not all that surprised,” she admitted. “I kind of wondered. You were never interested in sex.”

“I could be,” Harry said.

“Is that what you want, or what you think I want?”

“I don’t know.” It sounded silly, but Ginny nodded like it made sense.

“Well, we can figure it out,” she said. She squeezed his hands. “Sex has never been a part of our relationship. I wanted to bring it up, but it never seemed to be a conversation that you wanted to have.”

“I wasn’t ready,” Harry admitted. He felt kind of giddy now. “For a long time I just didn’t think about it. But I guess even I can’t put my head in the sand forever.” He smiled shakily. “Actually, that’s not true. For a long time I didn’t _want_ to think about it. It was easier not to.”

“I understand, but I’m glad we can talk about it now,” Ginny murmured. “But…”

“But?”

She bit her lip. “I still want kids. Even without sex, there are ways – spells and potions, though they’re pretty expensive.”

Harry pulled her into a hug. “Of course I still want kids,” he said into her hair. “That hasn’t changed. We’ll figure something out. We’ve got plenty of money. I’m just so glad that you… well, that you didn’t break up with me or throw me out.”

“Harry! I would never.”

“You could’ve. I’m basically saying I don’t find you sexually attractive. That’s a big insult.”

“If it were just me, that might be an issue. But it’s everyone, isn’t it?” Ginny said knowingly, pulling back to look at him. He nodded silently. “Charlie is like that too. I know it’s not something you have any control over. It’s not something you can change. And I love you. Compared to dark lords, this is nothing.”

Harry laughed, startled, and saw her grin. His heart was going to burst with love for her at this rate. “I might like to try it. Sex, I mean.” Not that he knew what he was missing, he thought he might be open to giving it a shot. He didn’t know if he’d like it – sex didn’t seem very… well, sexy – but it couldn’t hurt. He’d like to be able to say he had, anyway.

“We can do as much or as little as you want,” Ginny said. “I’ve always been okay with following your lead. I can take care of my own needs. I’m very good at it.” Her eyes twinkled with mischief. “Though… I would like to keep teasing Ron, if that’s okay. He turns the best shade of purple when he thinks Hermione and I are talking about sex.”

“Who am I to keep you from teasing your brother?” Harry said, amused. She was going to give Ron a heart attack someday, but he had to admit that it was funny.

“That’s what I love about you,” Ginny said, giving him a wink. Then her smile faded, replaced by a serious expression. “Harry, I really do love you. Even if you never want to have sex with me, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and have children with you. Nothing could change that.”

It took him a moment to be able to speak. “I love you too, Gin. Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me for loving you,” she said. “But you could finish off supper if you really wanted.”

He laughed again. “Consider it done.” But first, he leaned in and kissed her.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://tsuki-chibi.tumblr.com/).


End file.
